DR. ASSAD WEEPS TEARS OF SADNESS AT THE DEPARTURE OF SYRIA’S MOST LAURELED UNINTENTIONAL SPY.  ROBERT FORD. REGALED WITH ENCOMIA FROM FORMER DIRECTOR OF GENERAL INTELLIGENCE AND PRESENT NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR, GENERAL ALI MAMLOUK:“No man or ape has been as effective in ridding Syria of spies, saboteurs, malcontents and malingerers than Bobby Ford.  What will we do without him?”

And so we, too, bid adieu to the 2011 winner of the Syrian Perspective EGON KRENZ/MARKUS WOLF STASI PRIZE FOR SERVICE TO THE SYRIAN SECURITY ESTABLISHMENT. Ford’s ardent defenses of traitors and  unannounced visits to Syrian dissidents in cities like Damascus, Homs and Hama, brought out the vermin from these towns and enabled Syrian agencies to record their identities and stop them from wreaking more havoc.  It was Ford’s meetings with them – his focused attention on their boo-hoo-hooing – that exposed the rats to the ever-watchful eyes of the counter-intelligence and security services.  His empty promises of helping them to rid Syria of a progressive secular government with a popular president are still the fodder of comic interludes in the lives of Syria’s normally taciturn security operatives.

General Mamlouk has fought hard to keep Ford in Damascus as U.S. ambassador saying: “Without Ford’s visits to these malcontents and his tireless efforts to make them easy prey will only make us work even harder now.”  He went on to say:  “It is true his diplomatic technique as U.S. ambassador to Damascus was somewhat preternatural, at best, but, he did more good for our government than Iran and Russia combined. We demand his reappointment!”

Unfotunately for General Mamlouk, Bobby Ford and Bandar Bush (the Ape) are committed to a venture capital investment in Ahmad Jarba’s new franchise: PALMYRA PIMPS PRODUCTIONS AND PROMOTIONS LTD.  They will be very busy recruiting sex jihadists “of every kind and style and for every war.”