U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT ANNOUNCES NEW SLANT ON “DIPLOMACY”

DANIEL RUBINSTEIN, THE NEW U.S. AMBASSADOR TO THE SYRIAN ARAB REPUBLIC, IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THE ESTABLISHMENT OF A SYRIAN DIPLOMATIC MISSION IN WASHINGTON LED BY THE NATIONAL COALITION OF SYRIAN REVOLUTION AND OPPOSITION FORCES (NACOSROF) LED BY HIS EXCELLENCY AHMAD JARBAA.

THE DIPLOMATIC MISSION IS UNIQUE IN THAT IT OFFERS SERVICES UNHEARD OF IN THE WORLD OF DIPLOMACY.  IN CONCERT WITH JARBAA BROTHELS UNLIMITED, BAN KI MOON MASSAGE PARLORS AND ADULT ENTERTAINMENT, LITHUANIAN LUBAVITCHERS LEAGUE AND LABWAANI LESBIANS FOR LEASE,  THIS MISSION GIVES SYRIAN CITIZENS WHAT THAT OLD AND LIMITED EMBASSY ON WYOMING N.W. COULD NOT:  HANDS ON SPINAL ADJUSTMENTS, SOFT AND HARD MASSAGES, DISCOUNTED COPY-CAT COLOGNES AND PERFUMES, SEXUAL AIDS AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: AUTOGRAPHED PHOTOS OF THE ONLY TRUE OPPOSITION LEADER, THE RIGHT HONORABLE, HIS EXCELLENCY, THE PRIME MINISTER OF POOP HIMSELF, AHMAD JARBAA!!!

Mr. Jarbaa’s assistant and chief counsel, Ms. Fifi Abu-Falafel, is taking calls now.  Reserve a special spot at the Mission Headquarters just a few houses down on Pennsylvania Avenue from Scoundrel’s Palace.  Our stalls are separated by the finest brocaded vinyl from Cathay itself and our service staff from Korea is most diplomatic.  “Wanna masaaja? Masaaja?” Make no mistake about it, this is the kind of luxury which only Arabian apes from Qatar and Saudi Arabia can afford …… UNTIL TODAY!!  To convince future members of the value we are offering and the need to support us, Mr. Daniel Rubinstein has promoted our new GOLDEN TURKEY ASSOCIATION CARD which guarantees all new members a free session with a “real Jewish psychiatrist” and/or a trial Mikvah in the cesspool of your choice.  Don’t miss the opportunity, also, to have a female or male circumcision with our exclusive SHAYGETZ/MOYLE GROOMING PLAN.  There are so many other services provided we can’t just list them.  (We could be arrested).    

The cynics are raving:

“I didn’t think Arabs could pull off this kind of trick off.  I’m very pleased for them.”  Benny Mileikowski, Prime Minister of Khazaristan and chief of the Lithuanians Lubavitchers League.

“I’m looking forward to spending more of my time in the capital now that my good friend, Ahmad Jarbaa, is doing his thing. I am curious about certain experiences.”  Madame Banana, wife of Prince Fatso of Catarrh.

“It’s about time the Syrian opposition came forward and started serving the Syrian people.”  President Barack Obama.

Don’t forget, a quick call to 1-202-555-0000 will get you on the train to pleasure.  “Let’s get rid of Assad together by supporting this new diplomatic effort.” Daniel Rubinstein.

“I was wondering when Ahmad would finally take the big step toward servicing….ahem….I mean, serving the Syrian people.”  Robert Ford, former ambassador to Damascus.

THERE IS LITTLE TIME LEFT FOR THE SYRIAN OPPOSITION. CALL NOW AND RESERVE YOUR STALL WITH THE CUSTOMER ADVOCATE OF YOUR CHOICE.  We accept Visa, AmEx and Carte Blanche.

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